Then, I breathe and remember it's 2014. That stuff's all behind me. (For better or worse.) And I like my life now. I love myself now. Yes, I'm still very lonely. But other than that, I'm doing exactly what I love to do. What I'm meant to do. If I keep to the path I'm travelling, I just need someone to share it with for everything to eventually be perfect. Still, I'm almost 25. And I don't feel like it. I feel younger than I did when I was a teenager. I am myself than ever, but am I really an adult? I'm dreading May, like every year. I'm trying to tell myself it can't be worse than turning 21 was. When I'm really not sure.
Ah, I can't wait until this cleaning is done. I want that mess far, far behind me. But there will still be lots to look through. This whole year might be dedicated more to revisiting the past than shaping the future. I don't know if that's good. But it has to be done. I just wish I could drop out of time completely for a while, to recover. But I feel like I'm haunting my own memories as much as they're haunting me.