Valerie Rutherford (fireflys_locket) wrote,
Valerie Rutherford

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Company, Writing, and Other Important Things

I spent some of last week and most of the week before with my cousins, Matt and Missy. Even though I usually like their visits, I hadn't seen them in 2 years, and they hadn't stayed with us in 3, and to be honest, I was nervous. They are getting older, and teenagers scare me. I feel like teens are always judging me. Anytime they look at me, I can feel it.

But frankly, Matt and Missy aren't like that. At least, not to me. And although they are now both taller than me, and Matt could grow a beard if he wanted, they haven't changed much (and any changes I did notice were positive). They still love Kingdom Hearts. And Missy wanted to watch Saint Tail. Both are things I shared with them when they first started to make yearly visits about 8 years ago. Enjoying some of my favorite things from 10 years ago actually made me feel 13 again. For better or worse. It was a strange feeling.

The kids (I have to stop saying that!) Matt and Missy were a pleasant distraction the whole time they were here. The week was mostly filled with good things, even though my computer died (RIP Courtney). It was great to feel constantly busy with them, rather than sitting around alone, trying to fight my depression. But it did make me worry here and there about how I would feel when they left. It was a long visit - just right, in my opinion - which helped. I did still feel sad, but I didn't fall right back into previous worries. At least, not in an extreme way.

But I'm having trouble getting back to writing. I was barely able to fit a couple of sentences in during their visit. If I go too long between good writing sessions, I can feel a bit stuck. And that's exactly what happened. I also think that Summer's not my best season for writing (among other things), so I'm not being too hard myself. And I'm in the middle of two filler chapters. Oh, I'm so bad at those.

I have to say, I was having a pretty good day Saturday, while the weather was gray and breezy. Made me almost feel like Summer was over. It only lasted a few hours, then the heat and sun came back. But I had a little taste of my own weather bliss, and it did make me a bit buzzed, if only for a short time. If it had lasted, that would have been a great day for writing. Ah, well.

And that's it.

Actually, there are so many things I want to talk about right now. More serious things like tragedies and big issues. I did write some thoughts on two different sites recently: one short response to this video (on the shooting) and a longer response to this Tumblr post (on homophobia/ignorance). Though I wouldn't say either response was probably that important or moving, they were both more important than anything I've said in this post so far. So, yeah.

Also, I want to link to this blog post talking about the idea of claiming, “I’m not like the other girls." and why that kind of thinking might be flawed. It was an interesting thought for me - someone who quickly states on her profile, "I'm not like most people." I really like this post, so check it out if you're interested. I actually found it while reading another article linked on Giant Bomb about sexism and such. I agree with some points there as well, but it's a harder read, and I'm not sure how I would go about discussing this sort of thing (as someone who mostly retreats from conflict).

And that is it. Maybe. While writing this, I started thinking that if I'm not getting much fiction writing done the rest of this Summer, maybe I could at least try to post here more often. After all, writing is writing. Sort of. I hated writing essays in school, and I felt like it was actually draining my creativity instead of adding to it. But that's another topic!

"The weapon we have is love."
Tags: family, writing

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