My Grandma's birthday was a couple of days ago. It's the first birthday where we couldn't throw her a party, and all of us are thinking of her last party... at the hospital. Truthfully, while I was sad, I didn't want to have that be the feeling on her birthday. That's not a day Grandma would want us to mourn. It's meant to be celebrated. But in the end, I couldn't quite get that celebration going, in myself or anyone else.

Still, lately, I've been watching shows and movies I used to watch with Grandma. Or even just ones I think she would like. And I can feel her laughing with me, watching with me, watching over me. I don't know why that part is so easy for me. My Mom says she wishes she could feel Grandma's presence, but part of me feels like my Mom is blocking it out because it makes her sad. I don't know. I guess I just trust in Grandma being there for me always, whenever I need her.

So, though it is late... Happy Birthday, Grandma. Feel free to visit me often.