Valerie Rutherford (fireflys_locket) wrote,
Valerie Rutherford

The 14th of February Triggers

I had a killer migraine on Valentine's Day. Even though my pressures are so much lighter than most people's, I break down so easily. My computer was making an awful noise, my shower radio broke, and of course, I was alone. But hey, that's life, right? Joe got the dust out of my computer yesterday, and now, it doesn't sound like it's about to explode. Although there were so many things I wanted to do this week that I hadn't done yet, I gave myself a break. The world wasn't going to end if I didn't get any writing done, and I didn't want a second migraine. After another long session of Sims, I actually did feel like getting things done. I fixed up letters for two of my friends, caught up on some reading... and then, I had a panic attack.

Even though that migraine filled the physical pain quota, it didn't let me escape from the emotional pain of being alone. You know, I really did try to not care about it. I stayed off of Facebook and other places that might upset me. I didn't complain to anyone. I just played Sims and tried to pretend it was just another day. And it really is, isn't it? Yet that doesn't matter, it's a huge trigger for so many people. From the way I feel right now, I wouldn't be surprised if I had another panic attack. I've settled into a miserable feeling. Long gone are those hopeful feelings I was trying to build up... though honestly, I'm just dealing with the same pain. Weird that I was obsessing over that more than being alone? Yeah, maybe. But that was what I thinking about.

Well, apologies on the rant. I tried to hold it back until Valentine's Day was over, at least. I didn't want to put my negativity out there for those who actually were happy. If you had a good Valentine's Day - or even a great one - I'm happy for you. What I want isn't anything grand. I just want to spend it with him. We could stay home and play video games, like any other day. That would be perfect.
Tags: anxiety, rant

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