Valerie Rutherford (fireflys_locket) wrote,
Valerie Rutherford

Resolutions and Realizations

It's 2012. I don't know what that means to you, but for me, it means the year I finish Dreaming in Shadow. Probably not completely. Don't expect to pick a copy up by the end of December. But I will end the first complete version, and hopefully, get started on a revised typed version. There are other things I want to happen this year - namely, finding my soulmate - but this is the one I have complete and direct control over. So, that's my resolution, and unlike most years, I'm pretty confident in my ability to see it through.

I guess you could say I had another rough ending/beginning of the year. This time was a little different than last year's heartbreak, but it was also a more personal crisis than the usual "I still don't have Morgan". It was more like "What does it mean if this is true [about me]?". I was scared. I was getting caught up in obsessing not over who I am and how I feel about myself, but how others would see me, without realizing it. "What does it look like if I...?" And that's pretty much never what you want to do.

So, yeah... be yourself. Get to know yourself, and don't worry about what others think of that person you find inside. Easier said than done? Well, I know that. But when you start truly being yourself, you won't want to go back. At least, that's what happened to me. Of course, don't expect to never get scared or surprised by new realizations. But being yourself is worth it. You can't find true happiness while wearing a fake face. Of that, I am sure.

Happy New Year.
Tags: anxiety, dreaming in shadow, spirituality, writing

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