To be honest, I've had a few nice moments in the last week, where I was almost happy with Christmas. A week ago, when my Uncle Jim came in, Jan had us all over for a little family dinner. Jan's house was beautifully decorated, and when I walked in, I was excited. Then, on Friday, my Mom, Jan, and I went over to our cousin Gilda's for a fabulous lunch. Both of these events were great because they were with family, yet weren't too crowded for me. I never end up going anywhere on Christmas, because the places I could go are overly crowded. I guess I really just want something in between crowded and alone. (Or maybe I just want Morgan...)
Tuesday, I spent most of my day with Jan baking cookies. It was so much fun. We made the iced sugar cookies I remember her bringing when I was little. This year, I actually worked hard to make them and other cookies, which is something I've been looking forward to since I knew Jan and Paul would be moving here.
So, as weird as it seems, I guess you could say I'm enjoying the season... more than I have for about 10 years, at least. The only sad part - besides not having Morgan - is that Grandma is gone. I keep having random thoughts of her, where, for a moment, I think my heart is going to break open. But I ease the thoughts to the side, because I have so many things I need to do. Probably, when everyone is off to their Christmas parties, I'll have a little cry alone.