Besides the fact that I'd have a hard time eating while other people stuff themselves with the poor turkey, just the idea of having that many people in a room just doesn't work for me anymore. Fore a while there, I went to be with my Dad and his girlfriend's family for Thanksgiving. And if I think about it too much, I actually feel a little sad. It is kind of nice to be part of something. I've been thinking a lot about things like that, lately.
But hey, really, the only part of Thanksgiving I have cared about for a long time is the pumpkin pie. And I will be happily eating that by myself in front of my computer. My Mom said she'd put it in the oven tonight, so while everyone is gone tomorrow, I'll have something special. And that's it; that's my Thanksgiving.
There's a part of me that thinks I should try to do something to honour the thought behind the holiday. And It's not that I don't feel thankful for things in my life, but it's hard to be in a good mood for holidays, when you're depressed. I know I'm not the only one. And this is what I do for holidays. This is how I deal. Because I can't deal with so many people at once. I wish I could have something in between everything and nothing, but that's just the way it is. You have to choose, and I always choose to hide away.
Honestly, though, I don't think I'll feel too lonely tomorrow. It's Christmas that I dread. Christmas is bad every year, but this year - the first without Grandma - is going to be heartbreaking.