Valerie Rutherford (fireflys_locket) wrote,
Valerie Rutherford

  • Mood:

Drained of Motivation

The big stressful event is over! But am I feeling relieved? Not exactly. I sot of feel about as sick as before, just more on the depressed side than the anxious one. All the excitement and motivation I was feeling about writing has been drained from me, and not having the big stressful event to plan for and worry about leaves me wondering.... what am I supposed to be doing?

I'll reveal that part of the problem is that the big stressful event had to do with people talking about me and my issues. And honestly, after hearing and talking about all of my limitations almost exclusively for the past week, I feel pretty pathetic. In general, I'm pretty okay with myself as I am (other than in a couple of ways), but dwelling on how I'll never be able to be "normal" isn't fun. It just isn't.

Not that I really want to be "normal".

Anyhow, I hope I'll be able to shake this in a few days. I want to be free of it. I want to write. I want to want to write. :/ I think I need to email L.K. again. She's been my inspiration lately, and every time I see or hear from her, I get excited about writing. Oh, but I don't want to depress her. *Sighs*

I do have Mandy, the dog I petsit sometimes, here. She's actually been around during a lot of the most stressful parts of this year. I still don't know what I would have done if she hadn't been here the night my Mommy and Joe took Grandma to the hospital. She's like my therapy dog. I take care of her, and she takes care of me. She's kept me from what I most want to do right now: curl up in bed and not get back out.
Tags: animals, anxiety, writing

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