It's horrible. I mean... wow. I haven't seriously looked at notebooks this old in a while. Yes, not so long ago, I was rewriting Dreaming in Shadow out of a Freshman Year notebook, but my writing changed in the time between 8th grade and then. I improved a lot. Hopefully, I've improved even more since then, but at least my old DiS notebooks were quite useful. Looking at this old chapter 12 is just frustrating me. Was I really that awful? Why did people bother reading my old fics like Green Flame Torch and Thyora's Tear that were written before this?
Of course, at the time, what I wrote in my notebooks were more of just a guideline for what I was going to post. I used to leave out whole scenes writing - insert blank here - often because they were big action scenes or needed music, but I was writing at school. I guess I shouldn't be so mad about these weak 3 pages of chapter 12, considered as just an outline. But I really wonder how it would have turned out if I'd typed it then.
Another thing I have to mention at this point is how much fluffyfledgling has helped my writing. When I started rewriting HYHM with her help, I used to rely on her to tell me which parts needed to be fleshed out, not having any idea of how to write larger chapters, especially with only one character's POV. Now, I often have trouble fitting everything I want to write in 8 to 10 pages... although, in this case, I'm talking about original stories and notebook pages, and I don't know how that translates at all.
A fear I'm facing now is worry that I've become detached from Draco. When I worked on rewriting chapter 11 earlier this year, it was easier to get back into it because I had so much emotion attached to that chapter and how drastically it changed my life. I don't have that kind of passion for this chapter. This wasn't a life changer for me, though you could say it is for Hermione. I think that's another thing I'm scared of: Hermione's miscarriage, which is half in this chapter half in the next. I have no idea what to do about this. I barely know anything about how pregnancy works, and I'm kind of squeamish, so I'm reluctant to look deeply into it. Yeah, I'll admit to that.