Valerie Rutherford (fireflys_locket) wrote,
Valerie Rutherford
fireflys_locket

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Once Upon a Time

I'm sitting here... staring at the wall. Hoping to die, mostly. Once upon a time, I looked at that wall the happiest girl in the world. Or it felt that way, sometimes. 

Let me begin it this way...

When I was nine years old, I met a guy named Dean. I never knew I would grow up to live to hate that day. The day I fell.

Back then, everyone thought I was strange for not having feelings for any guy. I was anything but popular anyway. There was not a soul at my school that cared anything about me, let alone was nice to me.

Save Dean... He was new and didn't know any better.

So, of course, I liked Dean a lot, as he had been nice to me. And eventually, I thought I would tell the girls I was in love with Dean, and they would be my friends. I wouldn't be weird for not liking anyone anymore. Little did I know that all things would change.

Dean grew to hate me. After all the never-ending teasing for a year and a half, I really don't blame him one bit. I ruined his life, and he ruined mine. It was my fault, but I think it evened out in the end. Dean suffered for about two years. My suffering is still far from over.

Yet people still believe I love him... Even now. For they didn't know about Seth.

Seth was Dean's best friend, or one of them, at least. I had never been in his class before 6th grade. I knew next to nothing about him. By 6th grade, I hated everyone and everything. You couldn't ask me anything without getting me to snap at you. I was an angry, suicidal girl nearing her teens, though, so it was to be expected.

Seth and I were always around each other. We were always grouped together as my last name starts with Ru and his with Sa. He irritated the Hell out of me. Somehow, though, I was attracted to him. He was the only person who paid me any attention... even if it was all negative.

I can all too well remember my leg brushing against his under these very tables. And the little annoying voice in my head that told me it was wrong. From this point on I shall refer to it as Vanessa. Vanessa is like the bit of you that says you aren't good enough... only times about ten thousand. I can remember it echoing things like, "You are cheating on Dean."

And that's truly what I believed for the longest time. It got me so frustrated that I began writing a story that explained my feelings. One that Seth used to try to steal from me. Little did he know it was all about him.

I guess, deep down, I knew I would fall for Seth. And I did. I can remember the day I finally let myself realize it so well, that I can still feel the eeriness of it all.

I was walking into the gym on a Thursday (March 15, 2001). We were currently playing badminton. Seth was playing football with some friends while the teacher waited for everyone to get dressed.

This also happened to be a day I had thought very seriously of commiting suicide.

Seth came over to me and asked, "Do you want to be my partner, Valerie?"

I remember being insanely surprised that he had not called me Moose (his nickname for me).

"No," I snapped at him, although I silently dared him to push me further.

He did not, so I began to ascend the bleachers.

"Valerie!" He shouted after me, and I turned and rolled my eyes at him. He flung out his arms and said, "Will you marry me?"

And he saved my life. I swear it. And for that, I have dedicated my everything to him.

But Seth is no longer around. He now attends a different school, which I plan to attend when I get out of here in a year and a few months. And I can't wait. I miss him more than I can say.

For now, though, I must deal with this stupid science project concerning celery which my partner is messing up horribly.
Tags: intros, lily and the coral orb, paper journal, seth
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