Valerie Rutherford (fireflys_locket) wrote,
Valerie Rutherford

Painful by Association

I'm having a lot of depression the last few days. Okay, that's nothing new, but I'm having trouble writing. I guess I'm still upset over Dreaming in Shadow being more than half-way done. I had a good talk to Jill about it on Thursday, and I got a very caring email response from medleymisty , but I still can't seem to shake the upset feelings for more than a day or so. And now, it does seem to actually be to the point of keeping me from writing... and I wasn't even planning to work on Dreaming in Shadow this week. I guess I'm a little nervous about the next chapter of Miss Masquerade, too.

Last night, instead of working on MM, like I had planned, I just barely pulled myself out of a potentially bad panic attack. :/ There might be some other contributing factors to said close call, but I'm sure a lot of it is relating back to writing. And I guess I'm feeling pressure (though unintended) from friends, who are very excited about DiS moving along. I think medleymisty is the only person I know who can relate to the combination of excitement and shear terror I've been feeling the past couple of weeks.

*Sighs* Well, anyways... after pretty much giving up on the idea of writing last night, I played Final Fantasy XIII for a few hours. It proved to be a pretty good distraction. On Saturday, I was at GameStop to preorder the Team Ico Collection, and I went ahead and preordered Final Fantasy XIII-2 as well. I should be done with XIII by then... hopefully. I think the only reason I haven't finished it yet is that the Summer fell apart, and I wasn't doing much of anything but trying to hang onto a ledge for dear life... for months. And now, I probably just relate Final Fantasy XIII to that time.

It's not the first time that has happened, either. At least I'm trying to work through that association this time. Who knows if I'll ever finish Final Fantasy VIII? I did buy it on PSN and start it up again. But that was awhile ago... and I only played a few hours. That does remind me, though. I hoping to try out some more older RPGs. I'm thinking the first Suikoden might be next. I have a couple of those games that I've barely tried, but I think I want to start at the beginning for some reason. We'll see how that goes.

And hey, new Degrassi this week. I'm really... not looking forward to it. :/ Oh, well.

Tags: anxiety, degrassi, dreaming in shadow, fandom, final fantasy, friends, miss masquerade, tv shows, video games, writing

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