distressedI wasn't really thinking this way, but when I saw my psychiatrist on Tuesday, he asked if I had any stories that were half finished. He really wants to see how I'd feel to have a book completed and on the shelves. He thinks it would be good for me. I understand why he feels that way, and indeed, I'm sure there would be a point of excitement. I mean for people to actually read my book! Wow. The problem is... he's thinking about the end-goal; I'm thinking about the pain of getting there. When I talked to Jill, she understood. She said it would be like giving birth. And it's probably a good comparison. I expect to have an experience close to Postpartum Depression. Something like what happened last year on my birthday. :/ And that scares me... a lot.
I assume it will always hurt for me to finish a story, but finishing Dreaming in Shadow will hurt the most. I mean... this story has been there for me through all of my high school (and post-high school) pain. It's the story I can write the most easily. The one that never lets me down. The one that finally made me write for real. To be published. No more practicing... this was it. I knew as soon as I had the dream that this would be my first real novel.
So, how could I possibly ever let it go? :( I want to keep dreaming forever. I don't want to wake up.
Truthfully, I have no idea how to self-publish or market a book. I have absolutely no clue. So, not only will I be depressed from finishing DiS, I'll also be venturing into the unknown. After typing the story...
Seriously... that's all I've got. The truth is: I have no idea what I'm doing. The writing is all I know how to do.
But hey, I'm only half done. Maybe. I told my psychiatrist I was almost half done. And I'm not good at estimating. There's still a lot of things I want to do. But I really hope I have Morgan by the time I get to the hard stuff. *Sighs*
