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Trapped Faith

I think I hate Religion.

My Uncle thinks I'm defective. Since he's Religious, he was preaching to me. About all the things that are "wrong". And I held back. It's his first day here... best not to ruin the whole week. Even though now I'm screaming on the inside.

He said anyone who doesn't want kids is defective. Well, I'm sorry... I don't. I don't feel called to have children. I would never dream of having an abortion, but I very sure I'm not meant to be a mother. And I refuse to think that's wrong. I can still remember when I first started
discovering how the Catholic Faith felt about marriage and children. And how angry it made me feel. I asked to borrow the book we were reading for Theology and scanned in that page in disgust.

Then my Uncle went on to say how American culture has turned away from God, which has lead to homosexuality and even INTER-RACIAL relationships... Okay, what the Hell!? I get the homosexuality thing... (and by that, I mean I understand that it is
taught to be wrong, not that I agree, because I absolutely do not!) but I was totally shocked that he's actually preaching against Inter-racial relationships. I wanted to scream at him.

But I held back, even though I feel like I just broke a glass vase and pushed the pieces into my chest.

And that's not the first Religious dispute I got into this week... although the first one was actually with someone who was respectful of my views. And that's a rarity, honestly. We talked about the children issue briefly. Though she didn't press her opinion after I told her I didn't feel called to have children.

But it turned somehow to priests getting married. Because I thought about it long and hard, and I just feel everyone has a soulmate. She really wouldn't budge on how she felt priests couldn't do the same work if they were married. I really didn't have any points to argue with that, but I still disagreed.

She agreed it was possible that they could have soulmates, but still, to do what they were called to do, they needed to stay single to be devoted to God's work. But the point I was getting at was that is if God was pretty much telling these people to give up a life with their soulmates... "Okay, then, I think that's just
cruel." And I said it fighting tears... because the idea of that really hurt me that much.

Because I absolutely do believe in God. My God. No one Religion's God. I believe in a loving God. Not a God for which we have to suffer and sacrifice to please... but a God who delights in the spreading of love, caring, and respect through the world. That's what I believe in.

But the horrible thing is... I feel so trapped between the total non-believers and the strict religious. I am... me. But no one wants me to be me. They want me to be part of something else. To choose a side... when I think both sides are wrong. And it makes me want to scream...

"I feel so lost!"


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 4th, 2009 10:49 am (UTC)
*hugs* There are liberal Christians out there. One of my best friends is one. There are not only two sides, but many (says the polytheist :D ) They can't really make you choose either.
Jul. 5th, 2009 07:09 am (UTC)
*Huggles* Thanks, Dear.
Jul. 6th, 2009 02:56 am (UTC)
*hugs back* Dealing with people like that sucks. I'm glad I haven't had many dealing with people like that.
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 5th, 2009 07:12 am (UTC)
I've pretty much always believed that there is a meaning and reason for everything. HeH. ^_^; But anyways, I agree it's horrible when Religions create outcasts and such. *Sighs*
Jul. 10th, 2009 02:08 am (UTC)
People that tend to be so cruel and judgemental should look at the "man in the mirror" so to speak. You are what you are and nobody can judge you for that.
Jul. 10th, 2009 02:52 pm (UTC)
Re: Defective
Thank you.
Jul. 19th, 2009 04:00 am (UTC)
I feel you're onto something with a true loving God, a personal God, not the God of Abraham or crap like that. I come from an ultra-fundamentalist Christian family, and began to "doubt" the faith was when my non-Christian grandfather passed away without ever having "received" Christ as his personal savior. Our family as well as the church of course wept at his passing away, but no one was TRULY traumatized by the fact that his soul was going to burn horribly in hell for all eternity.

As I grew older I became more aware of the other religions out there, and to think that so many people are going to burn in hell just because they were born in the "wrong" place on Earth just seemed too absurd.

Ah sorry for the rant, it's just that I've gone through similar things and reading your post was big deja vu episode.
Jul. 20th, 2009 12:41 pm (UTC)
Thanks for sharing your story. ^_^
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )