January 2nd, 2020

Black Mage Yuna - shuijingling

Balance

It's a new year. But much like the beginning of last year, I don't feel ready to rush into my goals. I'm tired. I know I need to pace myself. Lots of people rush into goals at the beginning of the year and burn out by February or March.

I think my word of the year is Balance. I have a lot of things I'd like to accomplish this year, but I cannot get sucked into the same 2019 mindset of striving to keep up with the pace of others. I need to take my time. I need to follow my own path. And I've always been that way. Now, I'm just accepting it.

But that doesn't make it easy. Comparison is difficult to avoid entirely. When others talk about their grand goals for the year, I feel pressure. My chest tightens. My stomach feels sick. I want to cheer them on, and I genuinely try to, but I'm mostly stuck in my own head, thinking about how I'll never measure up.

Balance is something I struggle with. But it's also something I crave. There are some things, like creativity, that I feel need to run on passion, but that passion can burn out if we aren't careful. If we're not not filling up our own well. Lighting our own creative fire.

This year, I want to break free of the comparison chains. I want to be my own person. I want to be my own writer. Because "fitting in" has never worked for me anyhow.
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