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September 5th, 2019

Possibility

I don't know if I believe that literally anything is possible. We have very real limitations in our world. Some of us more than others. But I want to believe that the things we want most desperately in our own lives are seeds that were planted in us for a reason. That they are future truths calling, beckoning us to not give up.

One of my deepest callings is writing. Which most of you already know. My other deepest calling... is to be someone's soulmate. I'm sure some of you don't believe in the concept of soulmates, and that's fine. But it is one of the core things that has kept me alive and dreaming. I've built whole books out of this longing. It's more a part of me than almost anything else.

And I believe it's a calling a lot of us share. Not just the search for "romance". But the search for true understanding. The meeting of souls. The person who "gets" you better than anyone else. This could also come from a friendship. I believe in friendship soulmates, as well. But for me, I have always had the sense - from about seven years old - that I was meant to be someone's romantic soulmate.

Since my edits have been the main event in my "work life" for many months, I've felt a longing for creating. Editing requires some creative energy, for sure. But it's a much more technical endeavor. It's not enough to fulfill my desire to create most of the time.

So, my mind started to wander during the free moments. Right before bed. In the middle of the night. And what came through were imaginary conversations with my soulmate. Mostly, of him trying to convince me that it's safe to accept love. That I deserve it, even though almost everything else in life feels like it's told me the opposite.

Before I knew it, I had nearly nine pages of text. Mostly just dialogue. But meaningful dialogue. My absolute favorite part of writing. I've been thinking about sharing these little snippets online. But I'm not sure how best to do it. I have no idea if it will catch the interest of anyone else. But I feel called to share. To tell people that they deserve love, too. Whether it's from someone else, or just from themselves.

It's a rough world out there. But I want to believe.

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