Valerie Rutherford (fireflys_locket) wrote,
Valerie Rutherford

Birthdays and Introverted Natures

Birthdays are rough for me. I always find myself drowning in sad memories and obsessing over the painful and lonely future I worry is ahead. It hurts to have never really felt in alignment with my actual age. For so long, feeling much older, and now, feeling so far behind. Then there is the pressure of being in the spotlight. The stress of a family party that's usually more about what everyone else wants than what I want.

I think I coped fairly well with it this time. But it's left me exhausted and wondering what I would really want my birthday to be like. I got a taste of it by playing Sims and relaxing on my actual birthday and having the party on Saturday instead. And it was nice seeing people now that we're mostly all vaccinated and my personal stress about being around people has gone back to, well, the normal amount. 😅

I have a lot of summer company coming up, which is both exciting and stressful. And I'm trying to remind myself that this year was supposed to be about releasing myself from pressure. I don't have to be writing or editing or posting all of the time to prove my worth. It's okay to just breathe. Especially between periods of socializing. Because my introverted nature needs peaceful alone time like water.
Tags: anxiety, family, writing

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