Valerie Rutherford (fireflys_locket) wrote,
Valerie Rutherford
fireflys_locket

  • Mood:
  • Music:

Time and Age

The last few days have been rough. Even though the final steps of the publishing process went way more smoothly than last time, I feel very burned out after spending most of the last three years trying to "perfect" my first two books, with only a couple of real breaks throughout.

I'm also approaching the anniversary of when my panic attacks got so bad that I had to drop out of high school. Come the end of this month, I'll have been out of school for as long as I was in school, which feels very, very strange given that I feel like I could blink and be fifteen again.

Time has always felt odd to me. When I was Jane's age in Book Two, I felt like I was an adult trapped in a child's body. Now, as an adult with a very sheltered, small, panic-ridden life, I feel like a child, or at least, a teenager. Either way, I've always felt out of touch with people my own age. Always felt both ahead and behind. (But now, mostly behind.)

There's no moral to this story. I don't have any grand advice or meaning for you to absorb. But I feel for you if you have some anniversary you're grieving right now. Even if it's just a year of quarantine. That's plenty to grieve on its own.
Tags: anxiety, bullying, magic inc, school, writing
Subscribe

  • Growing in My Ashes

    When we talk about rebirth, a phoenix rising from its ashes, it's one explosive event that leaves you forever changed. Fresh and pure in a new life…

  • Birthdays and Introverted Natures

    Birthdays are rough for me. I always find myself drowning in sad memories and obsessing over the painful and lonely future I worry is ahead. It hurts…

  • On Creative Self-Doubt, Fun, and Freedom of Art

    Self-doubt is my default state. My brain was forever changed from absorbing and believing the words of my peers. I've been away from them for…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 0 comments