Today, I also opened the Book Two documents. The only edits I made were to the author's note and some of the formatting. But it feels like a beginning. Nerves are resurfacing. It's been more than a year since the last time I read Book Two, and I know there are some changes to be made. But mostly, I'm hoping to be able to focus on my love for this arc of Jane's journey in a way I was not able to during the writing process.
Book Two was the most difficult story I'd ever written. The most personal and soul-baring. And it terrified me every step of the way. Especially as other things in my life and the world around me brought my sharp self-critic back to life in a way I no longer believed possible. Writing this book was a battle. Against myself. Against the memories of the past. And my intention now is not to tear it apart. Not to be cruel to myself again. But to bring my love and compassion to my younger self, both at Jane's age (10-11) for just feeling the ways she did and the (re)wounded 2016-2018 me that wrote the majority of this book. I do want to make this book the best it can be. But I want to grow to love it myself more than I want to shape it to be loved by others. That is my goal right now.