Pretty much if you know anything about me, it's that I'm a writer. Or it should be, anyways. I've been writing in the literal sense since I was 10, but I was making up stories long before then. It's the second most important thing in my life. (First being finding Morgan. <3 )

So, if you are interested in my writing I will direct you to my creative community. muse_murmers. "Murmers" because I've always been bad at spelling, stupid me. Oh, well... that's what editors are for. ^_^; Right?

Anyways, the reason why I bring this up now is because my old Master Story Links post went and died on me. ~_~; I had to start it all over. Which was a decent little project, but I stupidly decided to turn it into a HUGE project. I reformatted all the old entries that were messed up do to my lazy copy-paste from Word and such. Found a decent simple layout with tag support built in. Then, with that, I went back and tagged all the entries... like I did here awhile ago. Matched all my stories with appropriate icons. And linked my Hate You, Hate Me entries together.

It was a three day project. I did take a break yesterday because I was starting to go crazy. But in the end, I think it was for the best... as long as I never have to do it again! ~_~;

Also the combination of reformatting HYHM and the recent Harry Potter movie has gotten me reinvigorated in fanfiction. During my day long break from the madness, I had to drop everything TWICE to write out some HYHM scenes. Well, one was for the sequel. HeH. But still. And I ended up with... 8 pages!! The most I've written at once since I can't remember. And though, I'm tired from finishing the community I feel the creative pull is still quite strong in me. ^_^

This is the place to find a list of my favorite fanworks from all across the web. Also, feel free to make recommendations of any fanworks (of fandoms I'm interested in) that you think I'd like in a comment.

( Favorite Fanworks List )

 So, I love video games. A lot. I'd like to think I know a fair bit about video games, and I'm definitely pretty passionate about video game issues.

I've been playing games since I was young, but I didn't get totally into them until I found Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy. And after I left school, and I mean right after... in the not even getting out of bed stage, games were the first things that were able to take my mind off everything. The first things to break me out of my deep depression for a bit.

I started getting into the actual news and issues of video games in Fall of 2006. I had an account on GameSpot, just to use when I needed to look up anything game related. Occasionally, they would send me notices. They sent one in November the launches of the PS3 and Wii, which I was already super excited for, saying they would have camera crews there to film the launches live. I ended up watching both of them and learning that GameSpot had a weekly webshow about video games, On the Spot. Plus a podcast about video game news, The HotSpot. Both totally awesome shows.

I loved the guys who hosted the shows. They were funny and gave great, honest insight into games and games-related issues. But unfortunately... stuff went wrong. I was totally shocked. Now, I'll say right away that I still go to GameSpot occasionally, there are still some great guys working there, but I'll never be able to feel the same about it as a site. I was truly upset by the fact that one of my favorite hosts had been caught up in all that. Most other members of the staff were greatly upset as well. Some even decided to leave. Fortunately... there was a bright side. Jeff Gerstmann and Ryan Davis (mentioned in the previous links) decided to start a website, GiantBomb.com. 

I was so happy, but at the time, there wasn't much there. It was only yesterday that I was reminded to check in with the site, thanks to a comment on The Hot Spot page by Tor Thorsen. ("And again, if you hate this podcast, there's always the one named something like largeexplosive.com--those guys do a damn fine show too.") HeH. It's nice to know that the guys left picking up the pieces at GameSpot appreciate Jeff and what he's working on now. That's the only reson I still care about GameSpot in the least. But anyways, There's a podcast now and some fun videos, "How to Build a Bomb". HeH, again. I greatly encourage people interested in video games to check out the site. It's still rather small, but those guys are really working hard. I have no doubt that Giant Bomb will someday be my first place to look for anything game related. And man, I love those guys! <3

(PS: I apologize for my extreme use of links. I think I'm a bit obsessed with linking of late. And it's a lot easier than trying to explain things myself. ~_~; Sorry. Hopefully, they'll actually be of use to someone who reads this.)

But I don't do anything about it. 

Truthfully, I don't really know how to change that. But as I'm reading the LJ Elections I'm realizing something strange... I almost never post on here. I adore LiveJournal. I'm reading these election posts just as I read for hours about Strikethrough and the like because it's very important to me. But I'm so quiet... even in my own little sanctuary. Isn't that silly?

Okay, so maybe it shouldn't be the amazing realization it is... but it is. If that makes sense. ~_~; But I'd like to fix that. So, first I'm going to tell the story of how I started journaling... 

Once upon a time, in January of 2002,  Miss Valerie was reading The Princess Diaries series by Meg Cabot and decided she wanted to keep a journal for herself. It started out on a little notepad inside a Harry Potter pencil case/organizer at first. The journal was actually passed around for others to read for a time, because there wasn't anything personal written. Little bits about school.

Eventually, the little notepad ran out of room. It wasn't really meant for journaling anyhow. The journal then made a shift onto what would be a long series of Neopets notepads. I used lots of codenames, for even though the passing around had stopped, I was still scared someone would catch a glimpse of something important. 

Then, in 2003, Miss Valerie discovered a love of Draco/Hermione. And her favorite writer of the time, lafeemechante, had a LiveJournal. Miss Valerie became even more obsessed with her journal, hoping to get a LiveJournal eventually. (It was invite-only at that time.)

Finally, when Miss Valerie was able to get a LiveJournal, she decided to go back and put in entries for everything she had written in her paper journals. Not an easy task. And no one seemed to be reading them. So she gave up.

Wow, what a sad story. Well, that's why that's not the end of the story. See, I figured I must take a more active approach to writing in my LiveJournal. Just as I have with writing in general the past few months. Because as said here, I live by a large set of random rules. I have... rules for everything, honestly. And they weren't supporting writing, creative or journal. So they must be changed!

I think a lot. And for the most part, I'm not even a private person. I'm perfectly fine with sharing myself with the world. I just don't think anyone cares what I think. ~_~;

Well, we'll see what happens, eh? 

Edit: Along the lines of getting this going... I updated all my entries with tags. And I should be updating my profile in the next week or so. ^_^ Silly, how excited I am about that.

Yes, I am updating. Sort of. I've been meaning to do this for some time, honestly. Deciding exactly what I wanted to do with this journal... it took a long time. I still wanted this to be the sorting place of my past, and it will be. I will resume the posting of old entries in my journal. My past is an important part of who I am. I understand, though, that not everyone wants to read old entries. Just because I would find it interesting doesn't mean everyone would. So, while I'll be making a update post when I add something, I'll try making them either short, or containing some sort of idea of what's going on currently.

Since I've been out of school, it's become harder and harder to write. But lately, I've been finding that even the smallest bit of writing helps. So that's what this will be about. Sorting my memories, helping people to understand, and freeing myself a little bit.

I'm sitting here... staring at the wall. Hoping to die, mostly. Once upon a time, I looked at that wall the happiest girl in the world.

Let my begin it this way...

When I was nine years old I met a guy named Dean. I never knew I would grow up to live to hate that day. The day I fell.

Back then, everyone thought I was strange for not having feelings for any guy. I was anything but popular anyway. There was not a soul at my school that cared anything about me, let alone was nice to me.

Save Dean...

So when I entered the 5th grade I hatched a plot. I would tell everyone I was in love with Dean, which I really wasn't, and people would pay attention to me. Of course I LIKED Dean, as he HAD been nice to me. Little did I know that all things would change.

Apparently, I was a better actress than I ever before thought. I was so good at telling people how in love with Dean I was that I began to believe it myself. Slowly but surely...

And Dean? He grew to hate me. After all the never-ending teasing for a year and a half, I really don't blame him one bit. I ruined his life, and he ruined mine. It was my fault, but it evened out in the end. Dean suffered for almost two years. My suffering is still far from over.

Yet people still believe I love him... Even now. For they didn't know about Seth.

Seth was Dean's best friend or one of them at least. I had never been in his class before 6th grade. I knew next to nothing about him.

By 6th grade I hated everyone and everything. You couldn't ask me anything without getting me to snap at you. I was an angry suicidal girl nearing her teens, though, so it was to be expected.

Seth and I were always around each other. We were always grouped together as my name starts with Ru and his with Sa. He irritated the Hell out of me. Somehow, though, I was attracted to him. He was the only person who paid me any attention... even if it was all negative.

But I can all too well remember his leg brushing against mine under these very tables. And the little annoying voice in my head that told me it was wrong. From this point on I shall refer to it as Vanessa.

Vanessa is like the bit of you that says you aren't good enough only times about ten thousand. I can remember it echoing things like... "You are cheating on Dean."

And that's truly what I believed for the longest time. It got me so frustrated that I began writing a story that explained my feelings. I have yet to finish it.

I guess, deep down, I knew I would fall for Seth. And I did. I can remember the day I realized it so well, that I can still feel the eeriness of it all.

I was walking into the gym on a Thursday (March 15, 2001). We were currently playing badminton. Seth was playing football with some friends as the teacher waited for everyone to get dressed.

This also happened to be the day I had planned to commit suicide.

Seth came over to me and asked, "Do you want to be my partner, Valerie?"

I remember being insanely surprised that he had not called me Moose (his nickname for me).

"No," I snapped at him, although I silently dared him to push me further.

He did not, so I began to ascend the bleachers.

"Valerie!" He shouted after me, and I turned and rolled my eyes at him. He flung out his arms and said, "Will you marry me?"

He saved my life. I swear it. And for that I have dedicated my everything to him.

Seth is no longer around, however, he now attends a different school which I plan to attend when I get out of here in a year and a few months.

For now, however, I must deal with this stupid science project concerning celery which my partner is messing up horribly.