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January 9th, 2012

All I ever wished for was out of breath, running so slow."

My dreams for my future life: to be a well-known self-published novelist, who lives happily with her soulmate. But if I only get the second half of that, I'll still be satisfied. How I want to feel today and going forward is that every day I'm moving toward the moment, where I will find my Morgan. If only I could dream of him every night and feel like he was that close always. That's what I truly want to feel: that I'm deeply connected to him every moment, even while he's not here.

That was sort of two chapters as one. I'm getting close to the end of my ~ing journey - though I'm not really following it as it was meant to be: a year-long journey. I've definitely taken important things from all of this. Since the day before Christmas, I've been more focused on journaling than writing fiction. I was sort of feeling bad about that, until Jill told me she thought it counted as writing, too. I do think that by the time I'm done with this, I'll be excited to go back to my stories. Maybe I'll even have a bit of a new perspective?

Next chapter is "Knowing: The Universe Has Your Back". I'm actually really excited about that one. I want to have more than this clinging desperation to the idea that my dreams are on the way. I want to know. To not be scared. I don't know if that will actually happen, but I'll try to hope for it.